Doing Dishes

by Jozef Caldwell

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1.
02:02
2.
05:33
3.
05:06
4.
5.
6.
05:03
7.
8.
06:02
9.
04:09

about

A story told by two voices in his head
An attempt at something honest
Alone
Almost

credits

released April 22, 2017

*artwork delayed but coming soon

Music written and recorded by Jozef Caldwell

Drums on tracks 2 & 4 performed by Jack Caldwell
Drums on tracks 5,7 & 8 performed by Charlotte Hatch
Saxophones on tracks 2, 5 & 6 performed by Anna Hirsch

Recorded in practice rooms, dorm rooms, living rooms, and a barn in Bloomington, IN and State College, PA

Mixed by Jozef Caldwell
Mastered by Grant Mitchell

Special thanks to Grant Mitchell, Jack Caldwell, Noah Saylor, Danny Molnar, Nick Gaylor, and Jared O'Brien for lending me instruments, microphones, and amplifiers for this project

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all rights reserved

about

Jozef Caldwell Music Bloomington, Indiana

Trying to see the
Pointless lights here
Is counterproductive
Rings in my ears

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Track Name: 02/06/2017
Suddenly I wasn't my best
so throw off your lens cap
grab me by the chest

I've been looking for so long to impress
a series not lying
but the second best

From
out
of headaches repeating
from
out
of mistake a face brings
me something new

(Sit there
just sit there
you don't understand
sit there
just you don't understand
sit there
don't move)

There's something about this self obsessed
a series of saying
there's no chance of this
my ghost transfers a message unless
a frantic finger
was too swift for bliss

From
here
to someone I should kiss
from now
I can't explain your fist.
Track Name: Falling Down
What am I supposed to feel?
What am I supposed to feel?

What am I supposed to feel
write it down write it down quickly

I just see myself
see myself
falling down

But I can’t get out
can’t get out of my shroud
let me down
let me down
I’m in

a dream
that’s too long to last

a boy
a tiny drop over rain clouds

What am I supposed to feel
(I’m) standing here with my eyes open

in love
in love
in love

What am I supposed to feel
write it down write it down slowly
slowly
slowly
slowly

I just see myself
see myself
knocked down

But I can’t get out
can’t get out of my shroud
let me down
let me down

a dream
that’s too long to last

a boy
a tiny drop over rain clouds

What am I supposed to feel
I don’t care I should care
I don’t care I should care
I went out walking alone in the moon light
it was far
I knew it
alone

Cause I can’t get out
of my head I think that this stops it
cause it sounds
and it sounds it resounds
as it swallows me whole
Track Name: Appointing Actors
Sewing thread to attach my head
you choose the color not the machine
and you don't realize the surprise
of falling for the first time on your knees

But my thoughts legs are broken
they're climbing little tiny stairs
in the attic where they're spoken
I flinch if someone cares

But getting out of bed now
you're saying just try something new
I'm holding out my hands now
how do they get to

You can
tell me if I'm breathing
I'd know what I'm feeling
closing both my eyes
waiting on a message
unimportant factors
I'm appointing actors
to play these parts for me
to play these parts for me

I'd give up my form of reason
and the morning dew
to turn it into something
that could last for me or you

but I'm so caught up in the future
that I forgot where I am
falling out of places
still I'm sure that

You can
tell me if I'm breathing
I'd know what I'm feeling
closing both my eyes
waiting on a message
unimportant factors
I'm appointing actors
to play these parts for me
to play these parts for me

Some
time in a film
you'll walk by
give me your hand
I'll let you fly
the camera is on
your face
a picture that
I can't replace

You can
tell me if I'm breathing
I'd know what I'm feeling
closing both my eyes
waiting on a message
unimportant factors
I'm appointing actors
to play these parts for me
please play these parts for me
Track Name: Tim M Plants a Hem(lock)
I'm planting a tree
to save the air but it can't be a forest
one leaf doesn't make it a forest
one lead doesn't make it

To keep it with me
reminder of anything steady before us
one leaf doesn't make it a forest
and two leaves won't make it

You won't
be pushing me down when I fall in my dreams again
you won't
be the face in the crowd that hopes I can't do anything
you won't
lend me your hand then make fun of mine
because
you won't leave

I'm up to my knees
in little words wrapped up stretched out and swirling
it's so easy to say just stop spinning
please just stop spinning

But it's moving me
this thought that I'm moving always surrounds me
they dragged me off but she found me
then they dragged me off again

You won't
be pushing me down when I fall in my dreams again
you won't
be the face in the crowd that hopes I can't do anything
you won't
lend me your hand then make fun of mine
because
you won't leave
You won't
be pushing me down when I fall in my dreams again
you won't
be the face in the crowd that hopes I can't do anything
you won't
lend me your arms then make fun of mine
because
you won't leave
You won't
be pushing me down when I fall in my dreams again
you won't
be the face in the crowd that hopes I can't do anything
you won't
lend me your eyes then make fun of mine
because
you won't leave

I'm closing my eyes and taking a breath
please get me closer to everything said
but there's noise pouring in
filling my skin
I love you too much I'm skipping the end

Take me in your arms
take me to bed
lift me up, lift me up
high as you can
cause I want to freeze fingers clutching your leaves
holding onto everything 'for anything leaves
Track Name: Afraid
You pretentious thing
lying in your dreams
kiss me
you found all that you're after

Then you jump up again
hurt toes it's just a trend
give it back
but you whisper

Think louder boy I'm in your
think louder boy I'm in your head
I'm in your head

I think there's no one less afraid
I think there's no one less afraid
I think there's no one less afraid
I think there's no one less

You pulled out my seams
but at first it wasn't exactly
born in disaster
behind these circled scenes
there's something underneath
a coolheaded collection of pictures

Think louder boy I'm in your
think louder boy I'm in your head
I'm in your head

I think there's no one less afraid
I think there's no one less afraid
I think there's no one less afraid
I think there's no one less afraid

If we could get out
if I could feel my feet
and lift them up to descend down the stairs
I won't be scared

You are it
you are it
and I think there's no one more in love
I think there's no more in love
than me
Track Name: Of (It's) Nothing
You've had too many dreams
you've had too many dreams again
you need to stay awake
you need to talk to me again

You are it

You've had too many dreams
(please let me sleep)
You've had too many dreams again
(please hold my hand)
You need to stay awake
(please let me be)
You need to talk to me again
(please hold my hand)

You are it

Everything you wanted is it everything you wanted is it everything you ever wanted
Everything you wanted am I everything you wanted am I anything you ever wanted come on

You are mine again

Is there anything you ever wanted come on now

This is not right

(Too late now it's too late)

(Lift me up
I feel free
fix me up
too broken
you're enough
just kiss me
I'm not much
soft spoken)

I'll wake up
right from my sleep
I'm bathed in sweet
it's startling
I'll tell my head
now go to bed
but everything is happening
I'm wasting time
I'm wasting breathe
get up right now
it's sudden death
I'll go to school
I'll get good grades
I'll graduate
I won't get paid
I'll need a job
I'll need good friends
no I can't keep online for this
stay up too late and eat too much
and blame yourself
and skip your lunch
and hold onto a selfish thought
wait forever
plus one minute
I don't want quiet in my head
I'm wearing headphones in my bed
I'll overpower thoughts I had
in every dream
they'll never grab
this dream I love
try to remember
wake me up it's still September
face still warm my hands still dry
cause I'm trying too hard to cry
out all my fears
and foolish habits
their just growing
they'll command us
more I hear love
less I see it
listening for someone who means it
we all do when we want to
but something's wrong with me
or you
I'll call me crazy
call you just to
bitch about my brand of shampoo
cause I'm itching
which isn't new
everyday I'm thinking of you
take my eyes and glue them on a
picture that has lost its class
pretend I'm sleeping if they want me
eating all the food I could find
try to fill a hole in my mind
plastic dogs and rolls of nickels
comfort of your mother’s pickles
cooking for yourself and her then
doing dishes half past forty
five more minutes 'till I wake up
wanting to apply real make up
show it off because I don't care
letting all the people come stare
but I'm afraid from skater days
and letting myself out in waves
upon an ocean do you read me
I'm stuck at the bottom of the sea
Track Name: Notes
I wake up again
early enough to begin
to hear the sound of my bleeding

Then feel asleep in my chair
wondered if you would care
that's two mornings one sunrise

Careful eyes cause they close
up to juxtapose
all the blankness of fearing

But I hold ink like a pen
wait for someone else to begin
to push my feet to the pavement

Please just tell me I'm lost
just tell me the words I'm reading
aren't gonna be repeated
I'm holding pages of notes
not sure if I could float away though
I'm already sinking so deep

Read about what could've been
but I'm still stuck on pretend
that's only cause I love it

It's just that I want to be
everything that you see
I came close in a picture

Please just tell me I'm lost
just tell me the words I'm reading
aren't gonna be repeated
I'm holding pages of notes
not sure if I could float away though
I'm already sinking so deep
Track Name: Plastic Dogs
A breeze blown through scentless flowers
stirs a bee that would sting just to defend me
in the dark we can walk for hours
in circles who cares it’s you and me

But you’re petting plastic dogs now
expecting to feel warm fur in return
go for a walk and lie down
one last look in your eyes is goodnight

But I don’t mind
if I never sleep again
lying here
is better than I could pretend

So don’t erase
an hour from my day
cause feeling like this
it only happens when you’re awake

Reach for a hand around a corner
five hundred miles minutes the length of my arm
and it's true sunlight makes me warmer
but I miss being cold I miss being calm
and I miss being calm

And if I could fly by 50
maybe I wouldn’t be scared at 19
and if I were brave enough to
close my eyes then maybe I'd see you

But I don’t mind
if I never sleep again
cause lying here
is better than I could pretend

Don’t erase
a minute from my day
cause feeling like this
it only happens when you’re awake